It’s hard to remember when I first felt this urge, to fill the emptiness in the pit of my stomach. I didn’t lack for anything at the farm. We had plenty of food, all the fruit and vegetables you could possibly eat, but it never satisfied me. I was very rarely alone yet loneliness had always followed me down the white corridors into the crowded dining hall. I wanted to reach out and touch someone, but that wasn’t allowed. In the shower when I had some privacy, I would touch myself the way that Max touches me now, pretending that it was someone else, pretending that they cared about me. Not in the way that Sweetie and Pip cared.
As the ship charged through the sea away, from the farm toward the unknown, I lay in bed in anticipation. I was alone and completely naked, blissing out at the tingling in my toes. I could feel the space where the air caressed my skin and tickled the hairs on my arm. I could feel the light layer of sweat evaporate as my breathing slowed. The taste of his skin danced on my tongue, salty, savoury, satisfying. The smell of sex hung in the air, it was a warm blanket that wrapped around me. My nipples pointed to the ceiling as they tingled from the memory of Max’s lips. A knock on the door broke the spell and I panicked, grabbing the sheet and pulling it to my chest.