Guilt P.3.

They say home is where the heart is. What if my heart belongs to someone who could hide from me? What if I never find home again?




It’s dark. For some reason Dad is talking to me and I’m unsure of what’s going on. What the hell…

“Time to go.”

Oh fishing, we’re in Napier, we’re in Dad’s sleep out and he’s waiting for us. I shake Jordan gently who lets out a soft groan.

“Time to go boo.”

Like synchronised swimmers we roll out of bed and dance our way into our clothes, in silence, in darkness. The car ride is swallowed up by sleepy sighs. When we get to the mooring I can see that the sun is just about to bring in the morning. I stop take a picture and then continue down to the boat. Once again we are flying through the sea but today I am tucked up in the cabin still half asleep. Jordan and I lean into a corner of the cabin whilst the sea loudly splatters across the window. The boat rides the swell in a steady motion. Up, up, up and drop. Up, up, up and drop. Next thing I know I’m in the cabin by myself and I can hear the grinding of the metal as the anchor drops. I emerge sleepily and see that the sun has settled in for the day, and it’s a beauty. I grab my rod and hop into my spot, the sunny spot. Like a cat seeking warmth, I am forever chasing the sun. The day darts by and sleepy silence melts into a rowdy competition, of which I win.

“Still got it,” Dad says.

“You know it,” I smile.

“She’s always been a bit of a tin-arse Jordan, you better watch her.”

It is impossible to please everyone, yet it is far too easy to disappoint them all.


“Hey ma,” I kiss her cheek. “How are you?”

“Good Cheeky, been keeping busy. You know…”,

“Yeah, that’s good though.”

“Yeah, I missed you Cheeks.”


“I missed you too.”

“It would have been good to have you here.”

“ I know ma, I’m sorry.”

“No, no, don’t be. Just saying…”

“Yeah I know. Have you seen him?”

“Yeah we still have shared custody of Witchy.”

“Oh that must be tough.”

“It is, you know… I can’t help it. I still love him…”

“It’s only natural.”

“But he did such a disgusting thing Stevie.”

“You can’t just turn off your feelings ma, there’s no tap for it.”

“I know…”

I hug her and she starts to cry then reflexively stops as though she’s afraid of what might happen if she lets the tears fall. My little sister walks in.

“Hey Moll, what’s up?” She’s tall and beautiful, I freak out at how much she has grown up since the last time I saw her. I barely get a raised eyebrow. Her blue school uniform swishes past me into her room.

“She’ll be calling her boyfriend or whatever,” Mum informs me.

“Does she know?”

“No, we didn’t want to ruin Christmas.”

“So when are you guys heading out to the Bach?”

“In the morning, when are you coming?”

“We’ll come for dinner. Should hang with dad a bit more.”

“Cool, we can have a BBQ.”

“When is he coming?”

“He’ll be there later, just so he’s there when the kids wake up.”


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